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Derech Eretz Corner: What's In A Name?

  • Sheina Gilbert
  • Jun 27
  • 2 min read

We Jews are a people rooted in faith and tradition, customs thoughtfully designed to foster respect and harmony. Most of us are also Americans, shaped by another set of customs and traditions, not quite as ancient as our Jewish roots, but meaningful in their own right.


Pirkei Avot (Chapter 3) teaches that when we accept the yoke of Torah, the burden of government and worldly concerns will not weigh us down. Civil laws may at times feel strict or inconvenient, but their purpose is to maintain peace and order among citizens. Respecting the law of the land is sensible, unless a law directly contradicts Torah values, there is no reason not to follow it.


Similarly, the yoke of Torah can also feel heavy at times. Yet in truth, it smooths our path through life and fosters peace within our communities. Pirkei Avot provides clear guidance on respectful conduct, such as addressing others with appropriate titles like Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., Rabbi, or Morah. Children often overhear adults referring to each other by first names and naturally adopt that habit.


But while it may seem like a small detail, or even a burden for a child, using respectful titles can be a meaningful expression of derech eretz (proper conduct). A recent experience brought this idea to life:


I was peacefully gardening in my front yard when I suddenly heard my first name being called. “Hey Sheina!” I looked around, expecting to see a friend or relative, but saw no one familiar. Then I heard it again, and realized it came from a sweet little voice. The young boy who had just moved in next door was asking if I had any ripe strawberries to pick. I smiled and replied that I had a bone to pick instead.


I explained to him that although I wasn’t his teacher, I had been teaching for 51 years and was certainly old enough to deserve a bit more formality. Our Torah teaches us to show honor to our elders, and part of that is in the way we address them.


I told him that the other children on the block call me “Morah Sheina,” and gently asked if he’d mind doing the same. Without missing a beat, he responded, “Morah Sheina… may I please have a strawberry?”


Since then, every time he sees me, he calls out cheerfully: “Morah Sheina!”


Today, many traditional customs, both secular and religious, are slowly fading. But whether one is religious or secular, living according to our core values, rooted in respect, can help create a more peaceful and connected world for everyone.

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