The Relationship Reset: High Holidays

As we approach Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, we are reminded that each year brings with it a chance to begin again. We stand before G-d, reflecting on where we’ve been and committing ourselves to the year ahead. But this new beginning isn’t just about prayer, repentance, or resolutions, it’s also about relationships.

In my work with Men of Integrity, I often speak about polarity in relationships: the dynamic balance between the masculine and the feminine. When it’s healthy, polarity creates attraction, harmony, and growth. When it’s neglected, we drift into disconnection and dullness. Rosh Hashana gives us a perfect metaphor for restoring this polarity.

On this holiday, we crown G-d as King. It’s not just symbolic, it’s a relationship. We acknowledge Him, give Him honor, and in return, He lifts us up with His blessing. The same principle applies in marriage. When a man steps into his role with integrity, composed, steady, and present, he creates safety for his wife. Her nervous system settles. She softens, and in that softening she lifts him up, crowning him as her king. And when he views her as his queen, with reverence and devotion, a cycle of mutual exaltation is created.

But this doesn’t come automatically. Just like preparing for the New Year takes work, so does polarity in relationships. Teshuva, returning, requires effort. So does returning to each other after a season of distance, stress, or distraction. To go into the New Year as king and queen requires more than good intentions; it requires deliberate action.

This is the time to do something new in your relationship. Try something unfamiliar, something that pulls you both out of routine. It might be as simple as writing her a letter of blessing for the year ahead, or setting aside a day to focus only on one another. It might be stepping into discomfort, saying “I’m sorry” when pride would normally keep you silent, or voicing a vision for your future together when you would usually keep it to yourself. Every act of renewal crowns him as king and exalts her as queen.

Polarity is not about dominance; it’s about balance. The masculine gives structure and protection. The feminine brings warmth, beauty, and inspiration. Rosh Hashana teaches us that the world cannot move forward without both. G-d is crowned not because He demands it, but because His people willingly give it. In the same way, a man cannot simply take his crown—he must earn it by being a man of integrity, by showing up with consistency and composure. Then his wife will want to crown him, not out of duty, but out of desire.

As we blow the shofar, we awaken our souls to new possibilities. Let this awakening ripple into your marriage. Ask yourself: how can I reset, reconnect, and recommit? What would it look like for me to protect her more deeply, or to cherish her more openly? What would it look like to let go of resentment and begin again?

The beauty of Rosh Hashana is that it’s not about perfection, it’s about direction. The same is true in relationships. You don’t need to fix everything overnight. You need only take the first step into the New Year with intention: to be the king she can trust, and to honor her as the queen she longs to be.

May this Rosh Hashana not only be a new year on the calendar, but a new year in your relationship. A year where polarity is restored, connection is renewed, and love is crowned anew.