Back-To-School Plan for Parents

Saying goodbye to summer is complicated.  The August heat lingers, but kids are swapping comfy T-shirts for crisp uniforms and shoes still fresh from the box.  Days shift from lazy mornings to blaring alarm clocks, backpacks, and endless carpool lines.

Some parents welcome the return to routine. Others feel a knot in their stomach as their child heads into the building, uncertain about how the day will go. Most of us feel both. That’s the thing about transitions. They weave excitement and uncertainty into the same moment.

In those first days back, the mix of emotions can make mornings feel like a pressure cooker. The stress of rushing out the door with lunch and supplies while managing school jitters piles up fast, and that’s before you even join the carpool line. 

While back-to-school mornings might always carry a bit of chaos, a few intentional choices plus a solid plan can set you up for a calm handoff and quick wave goodbye.

Strategy 1: Start With Yourself

Children start reading their parents’ energy before they even open their eyes. If you’re rushed, tense, or already in problem-solving mode, they’ll feel it and match it. Give yourself a few minutes of breathing room before they’re up to sip your coffee (or tea) while it’s still hot, take a couple of breaths, and think about what will help you move through the morning calmly when things get bumpy.

Strategy 2: Leverage Forward Momentum

School mornings run best on momentum. In those first minutes after waking up, kids (and adults) are still pulling themselves out of sleep mode. Even simple questions, like “What do you want for lunch?” can feel overwhelming to a little nervous system already thinking about the day ahead. That’s when things begin to unravel quickly.

The best way to keep things moving is to do as much as possible before the morning rush. Create a clear routine using a visual schedule or checklist so that everyone knows what’s next without you having to nag.

Packing lunches, filling water bottles and laying out uniforms the night before makes mornings run more smoothly without extra decision-making in the early morning. Take two minutes after dinner to set the table for breakfast.  This sends a subtle message that tomorrow is already set up for a strong start.

In the morning, starting with a seated breakfast can help regulate your child’s nervous system while giving them fuel for the day ahead. And a “no electronics before school” rule can help everyone stay focused and ready to walk out the door without last-minute meltdowns.

Strategy 3: When You Hit a Snag

Even with a good plan, mornings can go sideways. Maybe your child says they’re nervous, or insists they’re not going. It’s tempting to negotiate, reassure, or threaten, but research shows that those approaches make school resistance and anxiety worse. 

Instead, stay calm, keep your voice steady, and project calm confidence. Validate their feelings, “First days can be scary.” and show belief in their ability, “You can do hard things.”  Hold the expectation that school is happening, and keep moving toward the next step, whether that’s walking to the classroom or letting staff assist.

This blend of empathy, confidence, and forward motion says: I understand how you feel, and I believe you can handle this. 

What to Avoid

In the moment, certain well-meaning actions can make school avoidance worse:

• Asking school to bend rules and expectations sends your child the message that their anxiety is too big for them to handle.

• Allowing calls during the school day keeps your child focused on finding relief rather than ways to cope.

• Promising things you can’t guarantee like offering to stay in the classroom for a few more minutes.

• Over-talking. Once you’ve validated and expressed confidence in your child, resist adding more oxygen to the problem by discussing it further.

Sometimes, even with  a parent’s best efforts, things don’t improve. That’s a sign that it’s time to loop in extra help from your child’s pediatrician, school counselor, or a mental health professional. The sooner you get support, the sooner your child can get back to feeling capable and confident at school.